ROCOCO

09 July 2020

Today I am here to simply air my laundry and admit that when I packed my bags for quarantine time back out west I made a mistake. I greatly underestimated how long I’d be here and I greatly overestimated how much laundry I would be doing. I ran wild with prospect of in-home laundry… loads everyday, a constant turnover of fresh clothes, dryer sheets flying - and decided I wouldn’t need to pack more than seven pairs of underwear.

Anyways, I was wrong. Even though the laundry room is one staircase away instead of seven flights/four blocks/$3-per-load away, I still don’t want to do laundry. And then the three months I planned to be here turned into four… and is turning into five… and that is how I found myself ordering a new haul of undies for the apocalypse.

It also became summer while I’ve been here and now that I sit around all day and put on clothes maybe once (1) a week, my new musts are as follows: cotton, light, and anything that doubles as sleepwear because I’d like to make the smallest efforts possible. Don’t want to be burning all my calories at once by changing into pajamas. So here we’ve got the Skims Cotton Rib Brief, because it is simply cute to me, and a great sleepy time pair - As are the Maryiet Briefs, and my favorite of all time, Orenda Tribe Chonies in one-of-a-kind tie-dyes (I bought two pairs with the intention of gifting one and then I kept both. Sorry, Hannah.) The Only Hearts are a great everyday cotton brief and I’d like five more pairs, and the Kye Mies Brief is just really really pretty - easy breezy.

Lastly, imma let you in on a HOt TiP . It’s not exciting. But the Spanx Thinstincts Mid-Thigh Short changed my life when I got a pair four years ago for my college graduation dress. INVISIBLE you guys, when I tell you these are INVISIBLE. And they BREATHE and they protect the thighs AT ALL COSTS. I will never wear a sundress without these for as long as I live and you can write that down. The $72 is a hit worth taking, my pair from four years ago is still ~ thriving ~.

My work here is done. Stay fresh, locals.

02 August 2017

Heads up! It's not gonna go well! At first!

I don't know what made me think I wanted to eyeliner again but I'm pretty sure Alex Noiret peer pressured me into it. So I went across the street and invested a solid $10 in the cheapest kohl, liner pot, and angled brush I could find. Surprise the $3 products weren't amazing??? So I then dragged my ol self down to Topshop where I knew I'd find what I was looking for cuz 6000 years ago I somehow got a free sample of Topshop kohl liner and I haven't forgotten it since.  I ended up scavenging a bottle of Matte Liner and as an alternative to kohl, I went for their waterproof liner since we all know this humidity has my ~daily beauty habits~ shook. 

For being three years out of practice on eyeliner, I went into this very confidently and was swiftly shown whats WHAT. It's *not* like riding a bike and doing eyeliner everyday in high school does not set you up for a lifetime of flawless eyeliner skills UNFORTUNATELY. 

So. For my fellow old timers trying to get back in touch with their roooots, here are my tipsntrix. First! Using black/grey eyeshadow and a damp angled brush, draw yourself a rough draft. It's light, it's maleable, it's far far easier to control and easier to wipe off. Then, go over that with your liquid liner. It's like a coloring book! It'll do you good. But also guess what I still fricked it up so give it about 16 more tries and you'll get back into the swing of things. 

I also learned the hard way not to do ur concealer until after you've achieved liner perfection. The reason is because you have to keep reapplying that stuff with every trial and inevitable removal. But also while we're on the subject, let me quickly advocate for Mac Mineralize Concealer in NW15. It's really and truly a great, neutral-toned ~*LIGHT PALE*~ for those of us who are the color of ~*LIGHT PALE*~ 10/10 would recommend.

Maybe after practicing for about twelve hours on Saturday night you'll feel confident enough to wear this new old look out on the town! This is a heads up that your eyeballs are going to REVOLT against you for the first day. Don't give up. Just like when you were 16, your lids WILL remember what's up and you'll be glamorous again for once in your adult life. 

Guten luck! 

Hello and welcome to my memoir about the silhouette that's here to define a generation, an era, and Spring 2018 Ready-to-Wear. Yes, the dress we’re here to talk about today is the dress that’s made the rounds of cross-continental fashion weeks, incarnated by everyone from contemporary favorites like Shrimps, Simone Rocha, and Molly Goddard, to revamped Juicy Couture 2017 Edition and long-established haute houses. 

We’re talking that exaggerated babydoll, past-the-knee, full skirt, full sleeve, ruched and ruffled frock that we all know and love. Or basically just any dress that involves one or twelve giant ass ruffles.

Here's the thing: it’s a look that doesn’t look good on anyone. But it also doesn’t look ~bad~ either. Rather, these dresses float over the female form in their corporeal manifestation of the word VOLUME, not detracting, not accentuating, just being. Just chillin. 

They're decidedly feminine. They're gathered, they're gauzy, they're ruched and beribboned. And it's this dichotomy - of concealed, yet decorated form - that makes these dresses so freeing for a woman to wear. It doesn't matter if your legs look long, if your waist is cinched, or your boobs are perky - it's a non-silhouette silhouette in which the female form goes undetected but the adornment picks up the slack proclaiming *I'M A WOMAN* while abandoning the tired boobs-waist-butt definition.

For an increasingly gender fluid and body inclusive world, these dresses manage to define femininity without relying upon a traditionally perceived feminine figure, opening the door for men, women, and everyone in between to partake of the joyously feminine unburdened by any physiological, anatomical restraint. 

And as a cis-gendered woman, these dresses even free me from the burden of my own body, as traditional and abled as it may be. I feel free to embrace the joyous, sensational experience of material, construction, and embellishment without worrying over the ways my body may or may not be distorting the integrity of the dress itself.

These dresses - large, exaggerated, playful, and prim - require nothing from us as we require nothing from them. Wear a bra or don't, accessorize as you please, you're not here to be moulded or formed or shaped - these dresses just want you to breathe. 

Christopher Kane, Delpozo, Erdem, Gary Graham, Joseph, Juicy Couture, Maryam Nassir Zadeh, Molly Goddard, No. 21, Preen by Thornton Bregazzi, Rejina Pyo, Roksanda, Rosie Assoulin, Shrimps, Simone Rocha, Ulla Johnson

21 July 2017

Although this meme is a true and perfect embodiment of me in the heat of any piercing moment, I stand by the fact that I have #noregrets for getting my second and third ear pierceroos. My favorite part of having seconds and thirds? Um. Wearing allll the earrings. It's funny, too, that a gal who wore absolutely zero earrings with one piercing (me) has suddenly become a gal wearing double and triple hoops. Who knows why we are the ways we are, but folks, I am now an earring connoisseur and we all need to accept it.

Lately I've been DIYing my way around child hoops, removing various beads and baubles and like, "LOL" charms. (Jk we all know I'd never throw away a good LOL charm). But really, I guess since now that I'm a Woman Who Wears Jewelry, I should actually be looking into things like these fresh to death AUrate beauts. I spent all last summer walking past their pink Soho pop-up shop in my fullest most sweatiest intern form wishing I could simply be one of the gang already like beam me up, scottyyyyy I wanna wear goooold!!!!!! and be in that air conditioniiiiiinnng!!!

In other news, maybe we should also take this hoop-talking opportunity for me to host a debate against me about whether or not a fake nose ring is a look I can/should serve for public consumption? 

24 May 2017

hi I would just like to welcome you to a very long montage of Clothes I Want For Right Now. It's relevant, it's important, it's not even fake news even though it says these are for spring but spring is over now so these things are actually for summer.

lite layers + underwears

hello good morning want to know more info about me than is necessary cuz here it is: my number one concern in life right now is procuring five pairs of high waisted cotton briefs. We had one single 90 degree day here in the city and I simply couldnt type "100% cotton" into my search bar fast enough. While I'd like to say I'm hopping around in Pansy Co. for the sake of my environmental and aesthetic integrity, we all know I'm living life on more of a Vanity Fair budget rn and I don't mean the prize-winning publication.

In conjunction, light little cottony bralettes sound like a simple dream these days since there is no greater tragedy than a padded boob in the summer. And, as I always say, suns out buns out, and by buns I mean boobies and by boobies I mean not really out so much as just slightly less entrapped because we're still living under the hyper-sexualized oppression of the patriarchy so we gotta nip responsibly, young patriots.

 

the two types of jeans that areN'T for SaLE

The First: will come as no surprise to you because undoubtedly you've seen them targeted as the butt of many an instagram starter pack for being insufferably "alt" but guess what guys IF U WANNA BE COOL UR GONNA HAVE TO HOP ON BOARD. We're talking cropped boot-cut jeans of course. Since I, like everyone else, have a unique body, I had to find a pair of regular boot-cut jeans and cut them myself to achieve optimal crop and my favorite part of this process was telling the guy at the soho Levis store that I was looking for high-waisted, black, boot-cut jeans and then watching his brain clearly do a backflip at the thought of it before he scoffed "uh-uh!!! those don't exist!!!" Wait till next summer, my dude, wait till next summer. And then I had to settle for mid-rise.

The Second: verrrry skinny verrrry distressed verrrry light wash verrrry high waisted jeans. I have no idea where this idea came from, where it's going, or why it's here, but it is here and I'm just trying to love it like it's one of my own okay. After wandering through miles of high street stores getting nauseous at how STUPID skinny jeans are, I think my brain did a subtle maneuver in which the thing i hated the most (ie: every trend in denim this season) somehow morphed into a weird form that I actually started to want. light-wash distressed boyfriend jeans? great, but i'll take them as skinnies. dark wash high-waist skinnies? i'll take 'em light. do you see what's happening here? it's called: I ONLY WANT WHAT I CANT HAVE. classic move tbh.

corset tees

Corset tees are something that, against all odds, I sometimes like. If someone were to have said to me *hey rosie, picture this: a t-shirt that laces up on the sides like a corset* I would have promptly thrown a rock through a window in protest. But I saw one version of it that wasn't revolting and now here we are. I'd also like to note here that these look TERRIBLE on me. But I'm trying, guys, I am really giving it my all. 

red: at all times and in all things and in all places

As a redhead, me and the color red have had a long history in which I don't wear it or buy it. Aside from a substantial foray into red lipstick territory for the past five years, I've owned nothing in the shade opting instead for anything that runs between a spectrum of black-to-white and grey-to-blue. But SURPRISE BINCHES, red has emerged as the color of the summer 2k17 by Rosie Jarman, Esq. I was first tricked into supporting this concept by fall-time pics of redheads in monochromatic versions of tomato, rust, and mandarin. So of course, now that fall/winter is over and the palette is seasonally inappropriate, I'm ready to invest. Definitely a fan of the monochromatic approach, as well as the dynamic between cinnamon and ice blue (reference the above light-wash jeans) and although bright reds for summer are obvious, sorry, I am still all about the mixturing of shades to achieve a simple *rainbow* on ur very own body. You can't deny, red feels festive as frick no matter the time of year. vive la france!!

strawl hats

To the surprise of absolutely no one, I've been obsessive-compulsively thinking about the Jacquemus straw hat  since the spring when I dove head-first back into my once-yearly devotion to all things western. As summer comes around, though, and people keep talking about straw this and wicker that, I've become only interested in all-black straw hats but also I just noticed the Jacquemus retails for only 150 euros and I have a payday coming up so you do the math, guys. Now please also I would like to take a moment of silence for the most perfect vintage wicker box-purse that I bought back home in UT. Nothing is wrong with it, it just deserves respect.

anything™ cottony™

At laaaaast. Back to where we began with the cottony thing. Life is so fruggin sweaty in this city during the summer and if I've learned anything from last year it's to not screw around with this humidity and heat and to just wear BREATHABLE CLOTHES for once in your life. Thus I present to you a collection of floofy skirts and floofy shirts, breezy tees and ^undies. I would also like to share with you here my best kept secret that is this: contrary to popular opinion the most comfortable thing you could ever do is wear socks with ur sandals in the summer. Let me tell you; don't want blisters? Wear socks with ur sandals. It's that ~*simple*~ and also it's pretty cute.

BONUS ROUND: fishnets!

speaking of socks, I can't stop and I wont stop and I couldn't leave without mentioning fishnets. Again, going along with my seasonally inappropriate theme here, invest in a pair of wide fishnet tights for under your gingham sundress or a sock version for your open-toed shoes... Guys, it's a good idea, trust me believe me I would never lead you astray. It's layering made breezy. And with that thought, I depart. x

21 April 2017

Like clockwork, when it becomes April, my brain without fail gets the truly CANDID and UNIQUE idea to wear *light*flowy*dresses* at all times and in all things and in all places. This urge comes with a complete disregard for the fact that it's most likely still 30 degrees out and, if not fully snowing, definitely at least raining. Does this stop me? It does not. Because I have harbored a vision of myself running across a rain-drenched field in muddy linen since at least 2009 and I still prize it as one of The Most RomanticDreamy Things a gal could ever do. Wet bangs, numb legs, no matter; if the moment could be captured on film as the tru embodiment of Elizabeth Bennet running away from Darcy's First Proposal, then sign me the frick up.

I decided to venture onto the rainy New York streets with this exact vision in mind and as we ALL could have guessed I was freezing cold and spooked but I did not turn back to put on some pants because obviously these New Yorkers NEEDED the vision of my pale af legs peeking thru the slits of my black af dress like they need more subway rats and gutter sludge. I did put on short boots like *these shall protect me from mother nature's unforgiving grasp.* Surprise they did not!!

Here's some pics I like to reference when gaslighting myself into wearing dresses you can catch pneumonia in for the sake of ~~*~Romance~*~~ AND be sure to stay tuned for more installments of my worst ideas including: Rosie Has Higher Expectations for What Shoes Her Bunions Can Handle Than Her Bunions Can Actually Handle, and, How to Further Herniate Your Herniated Disc: Workout Videos Edition

14 February 2017

As it happens, I only feel vaguely ashamed to be posting about pajama-dressing so late in the game. It just didn't particularly strike me when it was *actually cool and trendy, about a million seasons ago* but believe me I am now STRICKEN. Although, considering the fact that collections like Louis Vuitton FW13 essentially molded my entire personality and moral code, I'm surprised it took me so long to come around. 

Approaching spring I inevitably revert to two personas; girl on the prairie (will discuss further in future, and have also discussed extensively in past) or girl on a european study abroad. According to my silk pajama fixation, I'm feeling the study abroad girl vibes hard core right now because simply picture me: a gal in a silk get-up like this, eating gelato in Barcelona. She's a dream, folks. Niiiiiiiiice.

23 February 2017

It's day one in the city and it's strange to be back. Turns out New York is louder than Utah, and I'm sleepier here than ever before. I vacillate between peace and excitement and fear and doubt. Unemployment is both a joy and a nightmare. I can do whatever I want all day long! But what I actually do is worry and worry and apply to jobs and write emails and edit resumes and also did I mention worry. Excited to become something more than I am now. Scared that I'm feeding into a culture and society that needs to be overturned (Thanks, Jessa!). It's familiar and foreign all at once. I'm worried about what to wear. But excited all the same! Sitting between committed and uncommitted is an odd place to be, but we're gonna give it a go and be so amazingly grateful for two beautiful grandparents who will let me sleep in their living room until I find my feet. I suppose this is what living life is; pulling yourself together, excited and scared, excited and scared, excited and scared, and so on and so forth.